dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
