dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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