I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
