hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
