I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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