TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
