Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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