you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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