I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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