Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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