you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Someone came in the potted fern
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
