who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
