The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
