Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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