Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
