Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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