My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
