Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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