bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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