no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
