every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
