Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My ATM looks so different sober.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
