omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
