Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
