you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
