Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
