So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize