Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
