We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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