two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
