I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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