i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
