i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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