...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
