I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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