I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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