So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
