i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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