He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just google imaged poop.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
