watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
