He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
