When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
