all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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