I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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