Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you still have your period?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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