eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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