my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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