When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
