Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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