Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
