It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think my vagina is haunted
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's rum buckets o'clock
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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