At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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