it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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