The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
