Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
