My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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