I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
