Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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