Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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