No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
