Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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