your parents love me but you hate me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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