I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
