Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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