I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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