my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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