Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
