She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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