I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
