I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
