Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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