Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
