sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
