the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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