She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
