I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
