Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
