The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
