I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
