True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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