Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Say something about gay babies.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
