So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
