You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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