Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
