cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
