So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
