bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
